Shine Your Light
by MissRe
Summary: Sometimes, love just isn't enough.


Please note: Harry Potter does not belong to me. I can only dream about that. The song used in this fic – Shine Your Light from Ladder 49 – also does not belong to me.

Some days it is harder to get out of bed than others. Today, I want nothing more than to put my head under the covers and never come out again. Back when our relationship started, I never conceived that one day I would have to try and live my life without you in it. Unfortunately, the world waits for no one. I can hear a bit of traffic in the road outside our home, another day is beginning again bringing me along for the ride – willing or not.

_The cry of the city like a siren's song  
Wailing over the rooftops the whole night long  
Saw a shooting star like a diamond in the sky  
Must be someone's soul passing by_

Looking back on it all, would I have done anything differently? Would I have not loved you knowing that in the end you would just leave me behind – to live my life alone? Of course not. I have loved you for years and will continue to do so, even if you aren't right beside me. I can't look back on my life and imagine it without loving you.

_These are the streets  
Where we used to run where your Papa's from  
These are the days  
Where you become what you become  
These are the streets  
Where the story's told  
The truth unfolds  
Darkness settles in_

Growing up, you always saw yourself as the sidekick – as the one who was destined to remain in the shadows. It took the longest time to show you what the rest of the world really thought of you. You are a hero in your own right – Harry might have been the chosen one, Hermione may have been the brains, but you were always the heart. You were the cheerleader, keeping the other two up and moving when things seemed bleak. You were the clown – ready to crack a joke when your heart seemed close to breaking. You were the strategist – always planning every encounter so that you ensured the best outcome to each situation.  
_  
Shine your light down on me  
Lift me up so I can see  
Shine your light when you're gone  
Give me the strength  
To carry on, carry on_

You know that it took the longest time for me to really believe that you wanted to be with me? I've been Looney for so long, that to have the man that I adored like me back was unbelievable! In the beginning, I woke up every day wondering if this was the day that you would open your eyes and realize you didn't want to be with me. Eventually you made me realize that you did fall in love with me, loony and all and you know something? That just made me love you even more. Our relationship became more serious as the months progressed. I went off with you, Harry, and Hermione on the hunt for horcruxes because you said you needed a different perspective to help you find what you were looking for. Over that time, we became closer to each other – staying up late at night, talking about our hopes, dreams, fears, longings until the early hours of the morning. We gave each other strength and hope to carry on each day – no matter what happened to us the day before.

_Don't wanna be a hero  
Just an everyday man  
Trying to do the job the very best he can  
But now it's like living on borrowed time  
Out on the rim, over the line  
Always tempting fate like a game of chance  
Never wanna stick around to the very last dance  
Sometimes you stumble and take a hard fall  
Loose hold your grip off the wall._

You confided in me more than once how much you were glad that you didn't have Harry's life. Looking at this war, and all the terror he had suffered because of it, you used to feel guilty for that time in your youth when you were jealous of him. However, together, we dealt with that guilt. Your dream was to help Harry win the war so that we could all go about and live a normal life again. In fact, when you proposed to me, you told me you couldn't wait til the day when you could wake up in the morning with nowhere to go and no one trying to kill you. You just wanted to be a man, in love with a woman, living life the best he could. I wish you were here with me now.

_Shine your light down on me  
Lift me up so I can see  
Shine your light when you're gone  
Give me the strength to carry on  
Carry on_

We didn't get married in a church surrounded by family and friends, we didn't elope to come back and surprise our friends and family with the news. Instead, we got "married" in an abandoned house where we were hiding - hiding for our very lives. Harry and Hermione witnessed us exchanging vows to love, protect, and honor each others for all our days. Magic herself witnessed our vows and gave her blessing – later Hermione would tell me that we literally glowed that first time we kissed after those vows. We later witnessed a similar vow between the two of them. Love in its finest, purest, deepest form. All we needed was each other.

_Thought I saw him walking by the side of the road  
Maybe trying to find his way home_

Of course, our life wasn't a fairy tale, we were hunted by Death Eaters – determined to stop us before we completed our quest. However, they didn't succeed. We were able to locate and destroy all the horcruxes after 20 months of searching. However, the hardest battle was still ahead of us – Voldemort still had to die.

In the end, you did the noble, the valiant, the honorable thing. It made sense to you – sacrifice the bishop so that the king could be safe. My world seemed to slow down and stop in that moment. I watched you throw yourself in front of a Killing Curse that was aimed at Harry. I heard a scream that was echoed from Harry and Hermione. I didn't see Harry throw himself towards Voldemort and kill him; I didn't see Hermione take out 6 Death Eaters with a single curse. Time stopped for me and all I saw was you – falling down to breathe no more. I don't remember how I got over to you; I could have apparated for all I know. I do remember sitting on the ground holding you in my arms and pleading with you to just open your eyes. I begged you and begged you and you never answered me at all… you left me alone and my heart broke. To this day it is still cracked and bruised.

_He's here but not here  
He's gone but not gone  
Just hope he knows if I get lost_

When I got home later that day, I was still in a daze. I didn't care that Harry won. I didn't care that Voldemort was dead. The only thing that mattered to me was that you weren't here with me and I didn't know if I could make it one day without you.

I found the letter you left for me, just in case anything happened to you. That is the only thing that gave me any comfort you know?

_My dearest Luna,_

_Well, my love, if you are reading this now, I didn't make it. You don't know how much I wish I could spare you the grief of dealing with this – however, fate sometimes has other things in store for us. I do know that I will have fought as hard as I could have – because I wanted so much to be here with you at the end of all things. Whatever happened or didn't, know that I love you – you are the most important thing in the world to me and I am thankfully every day that I opened my eyes and saw the beautiful being that was you in front of me. _

_I have one last favor to ask of you, my love, and you may hate me for doing it. I ask that you go on without me. I know you and the way you think – that's why I ask you to do me this favor. You have so much to offer the world! While I love to have you beside me, I am content to wait until it is our time to be together. You have always had a unique view of the world; you need to share that with others. Just look at what you have done to Hermione! Who would have ever thought that the two of you would be so close, and yet here you are – as close as Harry and I are. The world needs your outlook as they try and rebuild from this mess. Make sure that they do it right, please? That would be the most fitting memorial that any one person could have. _

_Also, look out for Harry and Hermione – I know that they will blame themselves and death isn't at the whim of any one man. Help them understand and let them help you. You will never be alone with them and my family around – LET them help you. They love you and they need you._

_Finally, I need to thank you. You know that I'm not a super mushy person, though you might not be able to tell that from reading this. However, you have given so much to me. I don't know if you realize how much you really mean to me. You are the reason I get up in the morning and the arms that I look forward to sleeping in every night. I love you so much that I can't ever show you or tell you exactly how much. Just take care of the person that I love most will you? I'll be watching you and waiting until you are here beside me – but I don't want that to happen for a good and long time yet._

_Remember – I'm just a thought away and I'll always be in your heart._

_I love you,_

_Your Ronald_

_Shine your light down on me  
Lift me up so I can see  
Shine your light when you're gone  
Give me the strength to carry on  
To carry on_

I don't really remember much of those first few days. Harry, Hermione, and I withdrew from the world. Together we held each other and cried over you – stupid, loyal, brave you. Your family came over as well, to share in our grief and to morn with us.

I'll tell you honestly though, there is another reason I granted your favor. You told me to find a reason to live and to share myself with the world and I did.

A soft crying interrupts my thoughts and I make my way back to its source. I lean over the old wooden crib and pick up the tiny red-headed boy that is standing there sobbing. I make soft noises to comfort him while holding him closely in my arms. While my heart will never heal completely from losing you, it will survive and continue to beat. You did leave a lasting memorial to the wizarding world – his name is Ronald James Weasley. Jamie is every bit your child, and I can see a hint of your spirit every time I look into his beautiful blue eyes.

I can feel your spirit as I fight my way through each day. The sunlight gives me the strength to face each day and the moonlight is a balm to my weary soul. The biggest source of my strength is Jamie – I hear echoes of you in his laughter.

I talk to you all the time, which I am sure you know since you said you would watch us. I tell you about our day, about your family, about Harry and Hermione and their son, Ronnie.

We still miss you every day. I tell Jamie stories about his Daddy and he has your pictures all around him. He has no shortage of uncles and aunts who love and dote on him and he is definitely the reason I get out of bed in the morning. So, I will grant your favor and continue to live. One day, we will be together again, however; until that day, shine your light, Ronald Bilius Weasley. I love you – always.


End file.
